Author’s note: I originally wrote this piece with the intention to publish yesterday but after reaching out to Phil himself, unaware of the fate that awaited him, he respectfully requested that I do not publish the work until after the final decision had been made.  Painfully, I obliged, because I was dreadfully fearful that enough had not been done. In light of the decision by the USAW BoD, I can very happily say this work was never necessary.  However, Phil himself found a few chuckles out of it.  I have decided that it should be published so that others may likewise enjoy a few laughs.  Phil, you have my most sincere congratulations, and I will attempt to be slightly less of a curmudgeon in the future about the politics of American Weightlifting if only for your sake.

An Immodest Proposal: Phil Andrews

Sing in me, Muse, and through me tell the story

Of that man unskilled in all ways of weightlifting,

The wanderer, harried for years on end.

I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance in New York, that a young, energetic Phil Andrews as CEO of the USAW is a dubious and disastrous proposition, whether this is considered practically, financially, philosophically, or morally.

It is well known and been established by the faculties of modern business management that only candidates who have graduated through the ranks of preferred weightlifting circles possess the necessary capacity to address the wants of the NGB.  I will attempt to enumerate the many and varied categories where Mr. Andrews is hereby found inadequate or disagreeable for the position in question:

I. His Failures As Event Coordinator
a. Mr. Andrews is directly guilty of altering the model and management of National events in the United States. Under his tutelage the organization has woefully strayed from the confines of local roller skating arenas into the “vacation” destinations which distract from the solemnity and historical exclusiveness of the sport. Travel to major cities with desirable secondary locations and holding prestigious competitions in equally prestigious venues is a concept met with success in other many major sporting events but unlikely to suit this one.

b. Events during his tenure have likewise strayed from the proud tradition of disorganization and dilatory execution practiced by meets of both local and national in kind.

c. The presentation of sessions has been absurdly focused on the athletes, a spectacle of sorts seen perhaps only in other sports where engagement between competitor and spectator is valued. This should obviously not be the case in weightlifting.

d. In the face of unprecedented attendance at events under his manage, Mr. Andrews chose to accept the demand, adapt his format, and provide the materials and staff necessary to cope with a regrettably high number of competitors interested in weightlifting.  This evolutionary progress is dangerous to the values weightlifting holds dear and threatens its storied establishment as a niche sport.

II. His Outrageous Productivity
a. Mr. Andrews’ workaholic attitude is a rapid departure from his would be predecessors.  It is unbecoming for the chief executive to be seen laboring for hours, loading trucks up into the wee hours of the night,  and overseeing proper execution of tasks.  It is known that the sole responsibility of the CEO is to write a quarterly discourse on the state of the organization and assume credit for the unprecedented growth experienced with little to no marketing that is in no way related to the explosion of Crossfit other fitness training models.

b. Mr. Andrews has likewise exhibited an unhealthy appetite for responding to personal inquiries from all manner of questioning parties.  Evidence of this behavior would increase this discourse to an unmanageable length.  Suffice to say that his practice of fielding questions and providing answers to organization members in a prompt fashion is an objectionable habit for a chief executive.

III. The Disastrous Effects His Work Enthusiasm May Portend
a. His current brief tenure has already forced the production of such things as a quadrennial calendar, by which athletes and coaches may plan their training cycles, travel plans, and provide equitable time to promote and market said events.  This practice is borrowed from other successful sporting bodies and nations but breaks away from the conventional lack of foresight that has resulted in such spectacular moments as a complete unlawful revision of the 2015 World Team Selection Procedures.

IV. His Complete Lack Of Weightlifting Knowledge
a. This is perhaps his most reprehensible offense, despite his frankly laughable attempts to educate himself otherwise.  Mr. Andrews has demonstrated near encyclopedic knowledge of rankings, startlists, qualifying numbers, percentage standards, etc. He furthermore has attempted to develop a vigorous youth outreach program, contacting innumerable schools and programs across the country seeking to develop a depth and quality of athlete’s unlike anything seen before in the USAW, a frightening thought to entertain.

b. It is a farcical concept to consider that the position of CEO is not one of intimate familiarity with weightlifting, but one chiefly of business leadership that may draw inspiration from the examples of other successful models as it attempts to grow in today’s rapidly changing society.  As the United States Congress has shown, only lawyers are best suited for lawmaking and yield the most suitable and productive results for their constituents.

V. The Need Of A Suitable Replacement
a. In spite of Mr. Andrews’ misgivings and departure from the orthodox vision of national events, he has at the very least proven a somewhat satisfactory manager of this role.  It is likely impossible for any suitable replacement to be found, and certainly none of the staff Mr. Andrews’ has employed in the past would be qualified for the task.  More concerning is the difficulty of discovering a candidate willing to assume the role for the modest salary for which it is budgeted.

VI. His Foreign Allegiances
a. Mr. Andrews’ is, frankly, an immigrant from the United Kingdom.  Should the USAW, an NGB in olympic sports for the world’s greatest democracy, employ a tea-drinking, fish-and-chips-eating, HP sauce using, son of a monarchy as our CEO?  The United States economy is already facing the threat of many jobs being sent overseas, let alone the quandary of immigrants coming into the country and ousting our citizens for American jobs.  Even if he has assimilated and since earned US Citizenship, what kind of standard would the organization be setting?  What’s next, foreign coaches?

VII. His Unsavory Personal Character
a. Personal experience and testimony from my peers have proven conversing with Mr. Andrews’ to be an untenable endeavor.  He is often filled with good humor, an inviting laugh, and a rapier wit even when sleep deprived and inebriated by one of his infamous caffeine binges.  His zeal for enterprise under such conditions is exhausting to stomach.

Further enumeration beyond these points is surely unnecessary, though I do encourage the reader to investigate further grievances.  I profess, in the sincerity of my heart, that I have not the least personal interest in endeavoring to promote this necessary work, having no other motive than the public good of my country, by advancing our sport, providing for the old guard, excluding the neophyte, and giving some pleasure to the politically savvy.

If you got his far, I sincerely hope you have identified this work as a satire.  The USAW is in a uniquely fortunate situation to have a member of its staff so well suited for the currently available position to helm our beloved organization.  I have met no other person in the community with the particular skillset and passion he possesses and it would be a catastrophic failure to overlook his candidacy.  This is not the renaissance, but the cusp of it, and my friends it can easily be undone and unrealized.  I believe given the power and resources available to Mr. Andrews he will at best see weightlifting become an established sport in the American landscape, at the very worst continue the incremental progress we’ve seen in organization and professionalism of the sport over the past few years.  I sincerely hope he is given the chance he deserves to show us his capabilities. #feelthephil #andrews2016

Sean Rigsby is a multiple time Senior National Medalist in Weightlifting.  As a former member of Team MDUSA, he contributed to several National Championship Team Titles and has risen through the ranks as a competitive 105kg+ lifter. Sean is currently in the process of completing his undergraduate degree in English and holds multiple professional certifications.  He provides remote coaching, free CrossFit programming, and lifestyle apparel through Heavy Metal Barbell Club.  You can visit www.heavymetalbarbellclub.com to find out more or follow Sean on Instagram @seanmrigsby.